This past week has been incredible. Like a roller coaster by the seashore, I have had ups and downs amidst sunlight, sandy grit, and salt water. I have been forced to face one of my deepest fears, and I have been surrounded in love in a way I never thought I would. Like I said, Ups and Downs. Downs and Ups.
The best part of all of it is the renewed understanding that I have survived. I didn't die. I'm going to repeat that: I didn't die. My deepest fear came to the surface, AND I DIDN'T DIE. I was embarrassed, inconvenienced, and nervous, but I'm still here to tell the tale. It is so wonderful to see that mistakes can be made, and breaths are still for the taking.
In addition to my greatest fear surfacing, I also had a meeting last week wherein I presented myself and my abilities for the purpose of creating income. And I was honest. Usually, the expectations of job interviews are such that it's a kind of poker game, only show what will get you the job. But, for whatever reason, Spirit moved my mouth to only speak truth - strengths AND weaknesses. It felt good. I didn't get the job. It still feels good.
As I write this blog post, I suddenly see the connection between these two events: the act of hiding. The fear-based thing forced me out of hiding because I was found, and the job interview allowed me to not hide. Fortunately, love made the whole process easier. I am part of an extraordinary community of women who were available and consoling when I was licking my wounds. That love and acceptance helped me see that I'm right on track, that despite my ability to be distracted as of late, I am where I am supposed to be.
So, I am no longer hiding from you or anyone else. I will have private places, places that are not public, but I won't hide there either. I am an awesome author and coach who is flawed, too. As many Christian traditions say, including my own Catholic faith, I am a sinner. But I am also redeemed. I do not need to hide anywhere but in The Light. I can lift my voice in speech and song, and I do not need to worry where it resonates. My "job" isn't to consider so much where it lands as much as it is voiced.
Pretty cool, huh.